Matters of Life and Death
by MellyMellow
Summary: Bella sees things differently than most people, but mostly she just sees Edward. She uses her camera to capture her unique outlook on life. But tragedy is just around the corner.Suck @ summaries. Angst. Rate M for language, violence, and very adult themes
1. Prologue

Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark

Death Cab for Cutie

Prologue

I heard the gunshots echo in the hallway. And I knew. Knew he was out for vengeance. James wouldn't go down without taking me with him. But I clung to the hope that he'd spare Edward. That's all I cared about in the world. I'd die a thousand bloody deaths just to save him from one untimely end.

My beautiful best friend. The love of my life. I had to reach him before it was too late.

I heard the screaming from all around me. People hiding under desks. Crying. But I couldn't concentrate on the hysteria that was unfolding . . . I was fully focused on Edward and the last words he had spoken to me.

I stood up and ran to the door and peeked out. There was a long trail of blood down the hallway. I followed it around the corner and saw Mike Newton laying on the ground in a puddle of blood . . . his face was missing. I strangled back a scream and clutched at my throat. I heard some more distant yelling and another two rounds from a gun. My heart raced as I started running in the direction of the gun shots. My sneakers squeaked with Mike's blood underneath them. I could feel the nausea starting to roll in my stomach and knew I was about to throw up but I swallowed it down. Every second counted I couldn't stop. What if he was already . . .

"No."

I willed my legs to move faster ignoring someone who was yelling my name.

I made it to the other side of the school and I saw James. His back was to me and he was pointing his gun into an open doorway. I heard Tanya begging for her life . . . but I knew that his eyes were trained on the person who would surely be beside her. I saw his finger twitch over the trigger.

"JAMES!" I yelled my voice surprisingly forceful.

He turned his head to me and smirked.

"You've wanted a lot of things from me that I have refused you. But mostly you've wanted me dead to get back at our parents. It's time James. Time for you to live up to the promise you made to me three months ago. If you're going to aim that fucking gun at anyone . . . let it be at me and get this over with."

James turned around to face me now and hateful things were flowing freely from his mouth. But I wasn't looking at him. I was looking into the green eyes that were looking back at me. Edward had entered the hallway behind James. My name fell from his lips in a silent scream. This was it. The last time I'd ever have a chance to tell him. I gave him my best impersonation of his beautiful crooked smile and mouthed the three words that I had kept hidden from him since we were 8 years old.

"I love you Edward."

From the corner of my eye I saw the sun glint off the tip of the rifle and a loud bang. Then everything went dark.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is three or four big days that change everything. – quote from the movie _Riding in Cars with Boys._

I don't remember much about the day my family moved to Forks, Washington. I was a scrawny eight year old kid then who looked more like a six year old. I don't remember seeing our house for the first time, my parents smiling at each other as they unlocked the door, or even climbing inside the yellow cabinets in the kitchen to look for stuff the previous family might have left behind. No, those were just things I imagined I would have done. There is one thing I do know for sure though.

That was the day I met Edward Anthony Masen.

It was rainy. Of course it was. Ninety percent of the time it's raining in Forks. . . but the reason I remember it was raining was because I was wearing my favorite red raincoat. I explored the backyard that first afternoon. Hoping to find the perfect spot for the swing set I had been begging my dad to buy me. Before we moved here we lived in an apartment in Phoenix Az. and we never had room for one. But now that my dad had gotten the job as Chief of Police in Forks through the connection of his friend Billy Black we had a real house with a real backyard.

The backyard had been overgrown with yellow and purple weeds sprouting up to knee level. I made it across the yard and suddenly came across the property line to our neighbors. The reason I knew this was because instead of tall grass and weeds there was a perfectly mowed and manicured lawn in front of me. The bushes were all trimmed into perfect squares and the terracotta pots were full of beautiful flowers

And in the very back of the yard right next to the tree line sat a swing set. My stomach grumbled in excitement when I realized I was going to have neighbors to play with. Then that's when I noticed him. He was sitting on the swing looking at me. He was small and pale . . . with a massive amount of reddish hair on top of his head. I was across the yard from him but already I could see his big eyes shining from underneath his glasses. He waved at me and I started walking to him.

As I got nearer I started making out his features. I held my breath when I realized he must be an angel. His skin was pale and his hair looked so soft as it fell in ringlets and stuck to his wet face. But mostly I noticed his beautiful green eyes as he looked up at me through his glasses. I swallowed and felt a little quiver in my belly.

"Hi! I'm Edward Masen. . . wanna swing with me?" He asked in a lilting voice.

"Sure." I said shyly and took the swing next to him.

"What's your name?" he asked as he kicked off with his right leg and started to swing to match my pace.

"Bella." I offered softly. "I love to swing. I made my dad promise he would buy me a swing set now that we have a backyard." I pointed in the direction of our new backyard.

"So you're moving in next door? I was so glad when the old man who used to live there moved away last summer . . . he had this huge ugly dog that would bark and growl at me like this!" Then Edward proceeded to bark like a dog and growl like an insane person. We both busted out laughing.

"That's so funny!" I had giggled. We continued to swing until we were both going so high that the legs of the swing started to come up off the ground an inch.

The back door of Edwards's house opened and I saw a very tall beautiful lady walk out carrying a rather large platter of cookies. She had on a polka dot dress and her caramel colored hair was brushed back into a matching headband.

"I could hear you kids laughing from all the way in the kitchen!" she exclaimed happily . . . her eyes shining in the same bright way that Edwards had. "Who is your new friend?"

"Her name is Bella, her family just moved in next door." He told the lady who I could only assume was his mother.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Masen." I said as I got up from the swing and went to shake her hand. My father had taught me to always be polite and to greet adults in this manner.

"Oh, how precious of you dear, but I am Mrs. Cullen. And it's so nice to meet you too! I saw the moving trucks this morning and I cooked up a batch of cookies for your family to welcome you to forks. Would you like to introduce me and Edward to your family?"

"Sure! What kind of cookies?" I asked and stood on my tippy toes to see. Cookies are a very distracting food indeed because as soon as she said the word cookie my mind had abandoned the questions I had as to why this lady's last name was Cullen and Edward's last name was Masen.

"Oh a few different kinds, chocolate chip, sugar cookies, peanut butter!" she showed me.

"Wow!" I said. "You must really like to bake. My mom doesn't really like to cook . . . we usually eat the stuff you get from the frozen food section."

"That's my favorite section!" Edward joined in. "It's where they keep the ice cream!" He was walking over to us now and I looked at him to say that I agreed when the words died in my throat. He was limping on his left leg.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly "Did you hurt your ankle when we were swinging?"

Edwards face grew red and he looked up at Mrs. Cullen. "No dear. Edward was in a car accident when he was four years old and his left leg suffered some major injuries. But the good news is that when he gets a bit older he will have a few surgeries to help fix his leg and he'll be able to walk perfectly." She said lovingly. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head and he smiled back at her. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled at him in a friendly way and didn't mention it again as we made our way back to the new house.

I introduced Mrs. Cullen to my parents and they thanked her for the cookies. They started talking and my dad suggested I take Edward up to see my room. I was glad to go along with his suggestion. Adult conversations were so boring.

"It's just up the stairs." I told him in a soft voice. I gave him a chance to say that he couldn't make it up there but he never said anything as we climbed the stairs. I did so slowly and he kept up with me the whole time. I turned right and opened the door in the corner.

The room was medium sized and there was a window that faced the side of his house.

"Hey, your room faces mine!" he informed me excitedly.

"Awesome! Maybe wr can make a phone out of a piece of string and two cans!" I giggled.

All my stuff was still in my boxes but there were a few picture frames at the top of the nearest box and I showed him my friends I left behind in phoenix.

"Are you sure you're from Arizona? You don't seem tan enough to me." He quipped.

"I don't tan . . . I burn. I got that from my mom." I replied back and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Are you sad you had to move?" he asked after a minute of examining my pictures.

"No. I mean I guess I'll miss my friends . . . but I've got a feeling that I'm going to make some pretty good ones here." He smiled a very crooked smile at that.

"So how old are you?" He asked.

"I just turned 8 a couple weeks ago." I replied.

"Cool, I turned eight this summer. Maybe we'll be in the same class. When do you start school?"

"Monday"

"Cool"

And it turns out we were in the same class. The next few weeks flew by quickly as I met all my new classmates. There was Edward of course. And two twins named Rose and Jasper Hale. They were both really smart and constantly bickered over who was the top of the class. Then there was Mike Newton who only wore shirts with the logos of his favorite sport teams on them. Tanya Denali, Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory were best friends who always wore outfits that color coordinated. Eric, Tyler, and Ben were all obsessed with Britney Spears and at recess they would stand in a circle and ogle racy pictures of her that they printed off the internet. Then there was Angela. She was really shy and liked to read. I often saw her carrying a book with a dark haired boy with round glasses and something weird on his forehead. I had to ask her what the book was about.

And then there was James Dwyer. He was the son of my mom's new boss. And he was the meanest kid I've ever met. He bullied everyone, interrupted class with rude comments, and tripped people who passed him in the hall. And I was his new favorite victim.

One day he tripped me on the way back inside from recess and Edward reached out and with surprising force knocked James on his ass.

"You're gonna wish you didn't do that you crippled freak!" James growled at Edward as he stood up. In a terrifying moment I thought James was going to punch Edward but then a teacher walked out of the closest classroom door and told us to hurry back to class.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked me as he helped me get the wet grass off the front of my shirt.

"Yes. Thank you Edward! But I wish you hadn't of pushed him . . . now he's going to want to get back at you." I worried aloud.

"It's ok. He doesn't scare me." Edward replied. "Hey, it's music class next!" he reminded me cheerfully. Music class was my favorite class because Mrs. Cullen was the teacher. We all gathered in the music room and we were singing out of the music book today. Mrs. Cullen asked Edward to come up and play the piano for us while she directed us. I loved it when Edward played the piano. I swelled with pride as I listened to him play. My best friend was a musical prodigy. He played in recitals along with kids twice his age. It just seemed that he was good at no matter what he did.

I opened my mouth to start singing and I cringed. I had no singing voice. Or musical talent whatsoever and I will admit that I was a bit jealous of Edward for being good at something. I wish I was good at something too.

"Why the long face?" Mrs. Cullen asked as she bent over to see what was wrong.

"I can't sing very well." I replied in a small voice. And the one thing I really loved about Mrs. Cullen is that she didn't try to convince me that I could. A lot of adults lie to kids to spare them their feelings. But Mrs. Cullen had a way of focusing on the good things and turning the conversation away from the bad while keeping the honesty intact.

"Well that's ok Bella. You might not sing at the level you want to but I'm sure there is something you are really great at."

I shook my head and frowned. "There is nothing I can think of."

"How about dancing or art . . . there are plenty of ways you can express yourself. Why don't you talk to your mom about joining Mrs. Stanley's Ballet class? It starts next week . . . I think you'd be so lovely dressed all in pink." She tapped the end of my nose with her finger and continued around the class to help other students.

After school got out that day I sat down with Edward in my backyard while we ate afterschool snacks. "Mrs. Cullen thinks I should try out ballet class." I said through a bite of peanut butter. Edward laughed at me for a good minute before seeing the look on my face. He sobered up. "Why would you want to dress up in a stupid tutu and hop around on stage" he asked seriously.

"I don't know Edward. I just want to be good at something. You have piano . . . and you're so good at it. You love it! I want to do something I love too."

"Well, I guess since you put it that way." He said. "I think it's a good idea."

I smiled at him. We set in silence for a while because the peanut butter always made converstion difficult. And we were just as happy to sit in silence enjoying our sandwiches and eachothers company. But along with the silence came the questions I had been too scared to ask him. Was today the day I would be brave enough to ask?

"Edward . . . why is your last name Masen different from Esme's and Carlisle's?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He looked up at me for a minute with a sad look on his face. I thought he would ignore my question at first but then I was surprised when he answered. "Esme is my aunt. My mother's sister. Her name was Elizabeth and my dad's name was Edward like me." He said in a sad voice. My heart was stuck in my throat and I could feel my lips quivering. He continued, "My parents died in a car crash when I was four years old . . . the same crash that messed up my leg."

He looked so small and empty sitting beside me. I didn't want to see that sad look ever again so I scooted closer to him and took his hand. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." I whispered.

A couple of months later it was Christmas time and it was the big night of the ballet recital. I had been working really hard to get the dance down. It seemed like it was harder for me than it was for the other girls because I had absolutely no sense of rhythm . . . but I had worked hard and I could do the dance perfectly.

My mom helped me into my pink costume and braided my hair up into a bun. She took pictures of me on our front steps and told me I was the most beautiful ballerina there ever was. Yeah right. Way to keep the honesty intact mom.

Before the ballet recital began there were performances by the kids who take Mrs. Cullen's piano lessons and Edward played O Holy Night. It was beautiful and everyone cheered when he was finished. My dad even cat whistled for Edward and he and Mr. Cullen laughed good naturedly.

A short while later it was time for my class to dance the Nutcracker. I was extremely nervous as we began and had to concentrate really hard on not messing up. I looked out into the audience and there were my parents smiling up at me. I resisted the urge to wave at them and continued dancing. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Edward was standing off to the side of the crowd looking at me with that crooked grin of his. I felt my face heat and knew I was blushing.

Then I saw it. James was about to trip Edward from behind. Fear clutched at my heart. If Edward fell it might injure his leg further . . . before I knew what I was doing I had jumped off the stage yelling "Edward behind you!" He realized a moment too late and James had tripped him. Edward fell to the floor with a sickening thud. I screamed and ran to him but I didn't pause to see how Edward was. I ran straight at James and yelled, "What did you do to him?" and punched him right in the face. There were gasps from the parents around us and when I turned back around I saw Carlisle on the floor beside Edward helping him back up and checking him out. I was so glad that he was a doctor in that moment and knew Edward couldn't be in any better hands. Edward was dusting himself off and looking up at me dazedly. "I'm okay." He answered my unspoken question.

"Isabella Marie" damn. It was my mother.

"Yes mom?" I looked over at her and saw James by his father's side in the background sporting a bloody nose. My head fell. I was in so much trouble. I had just hit my mom's boss's kid.

"Get your stuff together we are leaving."

The next morning was the start of Christmas break and I was grounded to the house until Christmas which was in five days. On the day that my mom worked at the diner my dad, who was off work, let Edward come over. We hung around the house all day watching Christmas specials on TV and playing board games.

"Thanks by the way."Edward had said in the middle of a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. I knew he was talking about James even though he didn't specify.

"Any time."

"My best friend is a badass." He gushed.

When Christmas Eve came he brought over a wrapped gift and handed it to me. "It's from my aunt and uncle." He said. "She said wait till tomorrow to open it but I won't tell her if you wanna open it now."

"That's very tempting." I told him as I placed it under the tree with the other presents. Somehow I knew I didn't want to open it in front of Edward.

The next morning I woke up at 8 am and my family sat around the tree opening presents. Finally, after a few new outfits and a very fluffy stuffed lion I opened Mrs. and Mr. Cullen's gift to me. I gasped in shock as I raised the lid. I was a digital camera. I picked it up and examined it closely. It looked really expensive and professional . . . not something you give to a kid.

"Wow" was all I could manage to say.

There was a note that came with it so I lifted it out of the box and read.

_Dear Bella,_

_Sorry your dance recital was ruined darling. I know how much it meant for you to want to be great at something . . . but perhaps I pushed you in the wrong direction. You are a very special girl. You see the world differently than other people do._

_Take Edward for example, you saw passed his handicap and made him feel like a regular kid. He wouldn't want me to tell you this, but before you moved here he had a hard time making friends. But because you saw beyond his limp he was able to see beyond it as well and he has been able to become more fully himself because he has you in his life._

_You'll never know how precious a gift that has been to Carlisle and me._

_So, since you have a knack for seeing things in a new light I thought I might do the world a favor and give you this camera . . . so you can capture the world the way you see it and share it with the rest of us._

_Love,_

_Mrs. Cullen_


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When I woke up that June morning I didn't know by the time I went to sleep that same night that my life would be changed forever. I got out of bed and showered like normal. Towel dried my hair and put on some jean shorts and my work shirt ready for the day to start.

"Good morning." My dad said when I entered the kitchen. He poured me a bowl of cereal and we set down and ate together.

"So what are you up to today, kiddo?" he asked through a mouthful of cheerios.

"Nothing much really during the day other than my 4 hour shift at the diner but Edwards having a bonfire at first beach tonight for his birthday."

"Will you need a ride?"

"I'm not sure. Edward said they were getting back from Seattle today in time for the party but I dunno if they'll come back to the house before heading to the beach. If they do I'll probably just ride with them . . . if not I'll need you to take me . . . I'll let you know."

"What are they doing in Seattle?" dad asked.

"Edward had a doctor's appointment for his leg."

"Oh. How has that been going? I know he had surgery a couple of months ago." Dad took one last bite and the lifted his bowl to his lips to drink the rest of the milk. When he put the bowl down he had milk dripping from his mustache.

"As far as I know he's doing great. He only has one more surgery in the fall and they'll be done correcting his leg. His walking has already improved a lot but they doubt he'll ever be able to run."

"Yes, I had noticed him getting around a lot better. When does your shift start?"

"Twenty minutes. Drop me off on your way to the station?" I asked as I rinsed out our bowls and set them on the rack to dry.

"Sure thing."

Fifteen minutes later dad dropped me off at the diner. My mom had been there since 5am helping the staff open for the day. I worked as a waitress a few hours three days a week to make a little cash. Since I was only fifteen technically I wasn't old enough to be working yet but seeing how my mom was the manager she convinced Phil to give me some time off the clock and I got paid on the side.

"Here's your short stack with bacon on the side to go." I handed a man his breakfast two hours later. We were surprisingly slow this morning. We had a few of our usuals but other than that we didn't get much business. I really loved when it was slow like that. It gave me and my mom some quality time. She'd show me how they do the books and explained a lot of the equipment to me. Phil was friends with my mom and often times he'd let me get on his computer and look at the business side of running the diner.

But today mom was busy with Phil in the office and I didn't see much of them.

Just then the bell clinked and James walked in. Getting older hadn't matured James very much . . . but he wasn't as overt in his bullying anymore and kept to himself quite a bit. Although you wouldn't want to run into him when there weren't many people around. Shit. Like right now.

He was walking towards me and I held my breath. I hated him but this was my job and he was the bosses' kid. I had to be polite. As he got closer I was prepared to ask him if he'd like some food when I noticed the look on his face. His eyes were puffy and red and his forehead was scrunched up under his blond bangs. Had he been crying?

He didn't pause to talk to me but instead he walked straight to Phil's office and knocked. It took a minute for the door to open and he went inside.

Wonder what was going on with him? I had never seen any emotion on his face other than boredom or pissed off.

I heard some yelling but couldn't make out what was being said. Suddenly the door opened again and James came storming out. I thought he was going to leave when he suddenly turned and walked straight at me. A shiver ran through me at the hatred in his eyes as he backed me up against the wall. He bent his head until his nose was inches from mine.

It was hard not to turn my face away from his intense glare but I fought the urge. I gathered up enough courage and said "What?" in a sharp tone. He lifted his fist and hit the wall beside my head and snarled. "Why did your god damned family have to move to this town? Your mother is a fucking slut!" I flinched at his words and didn't have time to wonder about their meaning before his head lowered to my ear and he whispered, "You're just like her. I bet you'd love some Dwyer family cock too." And then he took my ear lobe into his mouth and sucked.

"Get the fuck off me!" I screamed and shoved him away from me with all the force in my body. He laughed as he backed away. Licking his upper lip in a suggestive manner then turned to leave. I ran to the window to make sure he was leaving. I saw him get into his mother's car and they started talking. Her red hair was matted and her whole body was shaking though I couldn't tell with what emotion. Victoria Dwyer was a sick woman who hardly ever came into town. When she did people avoided her seeing as how she wasn't the nicest lady in the world. Finally she put the car in reverse and pulled away.

I ran to the bathroom and scrubbed my earlobe with soap from the dispenser and rinsed it off. I was sickened by the feel of James' saliva on me. But I didn't have much time to focus on the repulsiveness of what he had done because I was focused on what he had said.

_I bet you'd love some Dwyer family cock too. _Too. Implying that my mother was sleeping with . . . Phil? I felt sick to my stomach. Could mom really cheat on dad? No, she couldn't. Wouldn't. Especially not with Phil . . . it was just too gross to imagine.

I bet James was just fucking with me. It would be the sort of thing right up his alley.

I brushed off the bad feeling in my stomach and busied myself with refilling the sugar and ketchup bottles and putting napkins in the dispensers. By lunch time business had picked back up and a couple more waitresses had come in for the afternoon rush. By the time it was to leave I had put the incident with James to the back of my head and didn't say anything to my mom as she drove me home. We arrived at the house and before I could get out of the car my mom had caught my hand in hers to stop me.

"Bella, you know I love you right?" she asked me.

"Y-yes." My voice quivered. "Why do you ask mom?"

"Just wanted to make sure you knew." She pulled me towards her and gave me a hug. I felt really uncomfortable and a little scared because my mom wasn't one to show affection like this.

"Mom is everything okay?" I asked when she released me.

"Of course . . . can't I tell my beautiful daughter how much I love her without there being something wrong?"

"Well . . . yeah I guess." I said as I got out of the car and followed her inside.

"I think I'm going to go up and lay down. Today was a bad day and I have a headache. Maybe a nap will help."

I wanted to ask her what all the screaming had been about earlier but I chose to drop it. Not wanting to start a fight with her. She went upstairs and I went to get ready for Edwards party. I took off my clothes and sniffed my arms. Yuck, they smelled like the diner. I hopped in the shower and washed away the grease and sweat. When I got out I blow dried my hair and let it fall around my shoulders. Then I went to put on my dress. I didn't own many dresses but my mom had brought this one home with her from her last shopping trip to Port Angeles. It was a white summer dress that had lace around the skirt and it was low cut and cinched around the bodice. Since it was so low cut I wore a pair of white boy short panties just in case it was really windy or I fell or something equally mortifying. I didn't own any makeup so I just put some lotion on my face and made sure my eyebrows were plucked. There. Done.

I went down into the kitchen to start dinner. I made some tuna salad for sandwiches and put out some chips. Then I checked the answering machine. One message was from Esme letting me know they wouldn't be back until it was time for the party and that I should ask one of my parents for a ride. Charlie got home a short while later and I made him a sandwich.

"Light cooking tonight, huh kid?" he jokes.

"Well yea, I didn't want to get my dress messy!" I laughed.

"You look very lovely. Just can't believe my little girl is growing up." Ugh. I hated it when he said stuff like that.

"Anyways, I need a ride to first beach at eight." I told him.

"Ok. I was going over to Billy's to watch a game anyways. Where is your mom?" he asked

"She had a headache and went to lay down."

* * *

"Tell Jake I said hi." I told dad as he dropped me off. He said he would and he drove off towards the Black house. I turned around and looked at the beach. Carlisle already had the bonfire going and there were people standing all around. It looked like most of our friends had come. I felt excitement burn in my chest as I made my way over to greet everyone.

"Let me take that from you dear!" Esme said taking my gift to Edward from me. She looked down at the camera I had around my neck and winked at me as she made her way over to the table. She had set out a buffet of snacks. Esme was such a great hostess. In the middle of the table there was a cake that said Happy 16th Birthday Edward. Where was the birthday boy?

I walked over to the group of people by the fire. There was Rose and her boyfriend Emmet, who was a year ahead of us and was the captain of the football team. Rosalie looked beautiful in a pink dress with her hair pulled up in a lovely twist. She had grown into the most beautiful girl in school and every girl wanted to be her. Next to her was Jasper who was strumming on a guitar singing to the people around him. Tyler and Eric were out by the water chasing Jessica and Lauren around with dead worms hanging off the ends of sticks. There was also some of Edwards family sitting around.

I was still trying to find him when Mike walked up next to me and started talking. Mike was a friendly guy . . . I would almost say too friendly . . . but he was harmless.

"So . . . Bella . . . how has your summer been so far?" he asked but when I looked at him to reply I noticed his eyes were staring right at my chest. I quickly crossed my arms in front of me and mumbled something about needing to go get a drink. I rushed over to the table and busied myself with the punch when I felt someone walk up beside me. I felt my annoyance and turned to snap at Mike, "Look Mike . . ." but the words died in my throat when I saw that it was Edward. He raised an eyebrow at me.

When he left yesterday morning he looked like my best friend Edward. Shaggy hair, baggy clothes, and thick framed glasses perched on his nose. I had always known he was handsome but those things about him that were . . . so Edward . . . helped me focus on him and not his good looks. But there he stood in front of me now with a snug striped shirt tucked into khaki pants that clung to his hips. I stopped ogling his body and stared into his face which didn't help either seeing as how he was different there too. His glasses were gone and I could see his wide green eyes without any hindrance. I felt an odd ache in my chest and I could feel my cheeks blazing. Embarrassed I looked away from his eyes and focused on his hair. The long curls were gone . . . it was still fairly long for a guy but it was styled out of his face. It looked sooooo soft . . . I had to grip my hands together to keep them from touching his hair.

"Who are you and what have you done with my friend?" I asked.

"Do you like it? Carlisle took me to the optometrist and I got contacts. I've been wanting them for awhile . . . dumb glasses are always fogging up."

I laughed. "That's cause you're such a hot head. And the haircut?" I asked

"Aunt Esme has been bugging me for ages to get it cut." He said running his fingers through it nervously.

"I like it." I blurted out. I felt another wave of heat rush over my face. "I mean . . . you look good Edward."

He looked pleased. "Thanks. You look very nice yourself. A dress? I didn't know you owned one."

"Mom bought it for me a few weeks ago." And to my relief . . . or disappointment he didn't glance at my chest once.

As the sun went down the fire made every ones skin glow in such a pleasant light. I found myself taking pictures of all of them. Small moments like Emmet brushing Rose's hair off her shoulder, Jasper's eyes closed as he strummed his guitar, Esme with her head on Carlisle's shoulder, but most of all I found my camera pointed at Edward. Capturing that crooked smile as he talked with his friends, the curve of his neck as he took a drink from his cup, the way his arm muscles flexed when he threw a ball to Emmet. Fuck. When did Edward get muscles? I was staring at him through the viewfinder when I saw to my pleasure the little sliver of skin that was revealed when he lifted his hands over his head in a stretch . . . his shirt riding up. I didn't realize it but I had taken a picture of that too. I looked at the screen and stared at the flesh and felt things happening to my body, a deep ache down south and a swirling sensation in my stomach. Of course I knew what these feelings were . . . I've had them before. But only when I had saw some dirty magazines in Phil's office. Was I . . . was I seriously getting horny looking at Edward?

I felt my body flush at the thought and quickly put away the camera ashamed of myself.

Soon afterwards it was time for cake and presents. Edward opened mine last and his face broke out into a huge grin when he saw what it was. He held up the picture frame and let everyone see the picture I had taken of him and his aunt and uncle. It was a candid moment. I took it from the hallway leading to the kitchen when they weren't aware. Esme was smearing ice cream in Edwards face, her small hand against his smiling cheek. Carlisle was at the stove wearing his man of the kitchen apron, his head thrown back in such mirth as I had ever seen there. Esme walked over to me and kissed my cheek thanking me for the lovely gift.

Esme was the perfect mother and my heart pained me when I thought of how she couldn't have children of her own. But so glad that Edward had her and that she had Edward. I envied their relationship. Things just never seemed that easy between my own mother and me.

Thinking of her brought my mood down. I was worried about her. Every since the scene in the car that afternoon I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Something was going on. James's words came back to me and I felt the fear intensify. Maybe something _was_ going on between her and Phil.

Not feeling much in the mood to socialize anymore I walked away from the warmth of the fire and went to look out at the moon and it's reflection in the water. I sat down against a rock and took some time to think about all that had come from today. James, my mother, and the reaction I got when I looked at Edward tonight.

After about fifteen minutes of this I felt someone come and sit down next to me. He didn't announce himself but I knew it was him. When I looked up Edwards face was bathed in moonlight making him appear like and ethereal creature.

"Why are your spirits so low on my birthday, Bella?" he nudged my shoulder. I gave him a small smile and shrugged my shoulders. He didn't press the matter but after a minute I felt my worries flowing from my mouth.

"I'm worried about my mother. I think something's going on with her." I told him about the scene in the car. Then I went on to tell him what James had said too. "He was so upset. It looked like he had been crying when he went into the office. Then there was a bunch of yelling and he stormed out. Instead of leaving he came right at me . . . backed me up against the wall and told me my mother was a slut." I paused for a second wondering if I should tell Edward about what James had done to my ear lobe. I knew it would upset him and I didn't want him to go looking for a fight with James on account of me. But I still wanted to get it off my chest. "The way he looks at me scares me. I can see the hatred in his eyes . . . but there's also hunger . . . like he wants to consume me." I shivered.

He didn't say anything for a long time and when he spoke again there was an odd steal note to his voice. "Don't worry Bella. I'm sure that bastard was just fucking with you." He put his arm around me and rubbed his hand up and down my arm to warm me up. "Besides, I'll never let him hurt you. So stop worrying. And I'm sure your mom is fine too . . . maybe she is just pmsing or something."

I rolled my eyes at him. Typical boy's reaction, a woman is acting weird so blame it on pms. "Let's get back to the fire, you're going to freeze to death in that skimpy dress." We stood up and suddenly I was in his arms. He was hugging me close putting his head in my hair and inhaling deeply. I took the opportunity to smell him too and my eyes rolled back in my head overwhelmed by the honeysuckle mixed with his lovely boy smell. No cookie or cake in the world could smell as delicious at him. "Thanks for the picture. I love it." He whispered into my ear.

I squeezed him tight. "I love it too. I love your family."

He held onto me a second longer and then let go. I felt a loss in my gut . . . I could stay in his arms forever. We made it back to the bonfire and saw that people were starting to leave. I saw dad's police cruiser and knew he was there to pick me up. I told Edward Happy Birthday one last time and went to get into the car.

On the way home we were both tired so we didn't talk very much. I asked him how his night was and he asked me how mine was. And that was the extent of that.

We made it home and I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water before I went to bed. I noticed an envelope on the kitchen table and thought it was a little weird but didn't touch it. Dad had already made it up the stairs and I heard him call mom's name. Then I heard his quick footsteps come back down the stairs and saw his back as he ran out the front door. My heart jumped in my throat and I ran up the stair and looked in their room and saw what had upset dad. At first it wasn't obvious but as I started taking inventory I noticed things missing. The closet door was open and all of moms clothes were gone leaving only dad's plaid shirts and jeans. I ran to the dresser and found all her drawers empty. All her stuff was gone. I ran back down the stairs and found dad sitting at the kitchen table his hands in his hair.

I walked around the table and sat across from him. His head was bent over a hand written letter . . . the envelope thrown to the side. I saw his eyes move back and forth and it seemed to me as though he must have read it at least three times. Then he his face crumpled and he crushed the paper in his hands. He stood up slowly letting the letter fall on the table. He was looking at me now but really not seeing me. Seeing through me.

"Dad?"

"I'm going to have to go take care of a few things tonight Bella. Why don't you go over to the Cullen's and see if you can sleep in the spare room if you don't want to be left here alone tonight." Then he turned and walked away grabbing his keys. A second later I heard his engine start and the gravel crunch as he pulled out of the driveway.

I set there for a minute and then pulled the rumpled piece of paper towards me. I flattened it out and read.

_Charlie,_

_I'm sorry to leave you like this but I know I wouldn't be able to face you when I tell you this. When we were first married I loved you so much. But we've grown apart over the last eight years and I have become very unhappy in our marriage. I've decided that I want a divorce. I've already filed the papers and you will be getting them in the mail within the next few days._

_This is the hardest part. I don't want to hurt you and I know that this will. I'm so sorry. Phil and I have fallen in love and we are moving to Jacksonville to open up a Denny's. I just want to be happy and he makes me happy. I know it's selfish but you only get one life. And I have to live mine for myself._

_Please tell Bella that I love her and that I want her to come down and visit us as often as possible._

_Charlie, I know you weren't happy either. Maybe by making the first step to end this I have given you an opportunity to finally find some real happiness._

_Renée_

Unbelievable. Is this some sick joke? Her and Phil are in love and they ran away together leaving two broken families behind? But that all seemed insignificant compared to the pain that was ripping through my chest.

_Mommy. _

My mom left me behind. She chose some man over her own daughter. I felt waves of pain crashing over me and my eyes blurred over with tears. I couldn't comprehend what was going on. It just didn't make any sense. But my heart told me it was true. I knew I had been disposed of by the one person in the world that was supposed to love me no matter what.

I rose shakily to my feet and left the kitchen. I threw on my jacket and flip flops and made my way over to the Cullen's. They hadn't made it back yet . . . I'm sure they had a lot of cleaning up to do. I curled up on their front porch and waited for them to get home, my shoulders shaking from my sobs.

A short while later I heard them pull up. I didn't bother to stand . . . just waited for them to discover me. Pretty soon I heard Esme's voice. "Bella?"

I looked up at her. "Oh Bella what's happened? Is anyone hurt? Did something happen to you?" She asked as she sat down beside me. I handed her the crumpled letter and she read it silently beside me. Then I felt her warm arms circle me and she pulled me into a motherly embrace that made my insides ache. I started sobbing in earnest now, too far gone in my grief to be embarrassed by my display or to even worry about what Edward thought of me.

I felt my head roll back on her shoulder and suddenly I felt so tired. Like all the energy had been drained from my body. I felt Carlisle bend over me and soon I was in his arms and he carried me to the guest bedroom. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

I woke up what felt like a short while later with my bladder feeling like it was about to explode. I made my way to the bathroom and relieved myself. I then looked in the mirror and saw my bloodshot and puffy eyes. I rinsed away the salt water from my face and dried it with a towel.

When I left the bathroom I noticed Edward's door was cracked and his light was on. I walked over and knocked on it.

I heard him say come in. I walked in and saw him on his bed reading a book. He looked up at me and quickly stood up running his hand through his hair. He didn't say anything but it wasn't an awkward silence. I reached beside me and turned his light out and climbed into his bed. He followed suit but he stayed on his side and I stayed on mine.

"I'm sorry Bella."

"A fucking Denny's." I don't think he knew what to say to that but his silence agreement made me feel supported, understood, and cared for.

I wish I could make it better." He whispered.

"You are." And I reached over and grabbed his hand. We stayed like that . . . laying on opposite sides of the bed our hands meeting in the middle. Edwards's presence calmed me. Soothed the ache. I relaxed into his bed and fell back to sleep.

I could see the light shinning from behind my eyelids. Slowly I opened them to find myself nose to nose with a sleeping Edward. His sweet breath fanned across my face lifting my hair and tickling my neck. I closed my eyes again enjoying the proximity. Then I started to feel the rest of my body. I was pushed up against Edward, our legs tangled together and his arm wrapped around me . . . his hand cupping the back of my thigh right under my ass.

I felt a thrill shoot through me and before I could stop myself I rubbed up against him closer putting my hand over his and squeezing. His answering moan made my panties fill with moisture and I felt his hand palming my thigh. It was the sweetest torture I had ever felt.

"Edward." I moaned.

His eyes flew open and he quickly jumped up from the bed apologizing. I felt embarrassment flood my body by the look of disgust on his face . . . as if he found himself woken up groping his sister.

"It's ok Edward . . . nothing to have an aneurism over." I mumbled.

He turned and left the room. I followed suit and when I passed the bathroom I could hear the shower running. Edward must be in there. He was probably naked and in the shower with hot water running over his body . . .naked . . .fuck.

I shook my head trying to rid it from the lust that felt like a fog over my entire body. My head cleared when I focused on his hurried apology and exit. Ugh, I'm such an idiot! He'll never view me as anything more than a friend. I've got to get this attraction to him under control before I make a fool out of myself.

I made my way down the stairs and found Esme sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. When she saw me she came over and hugged me.

"Your dad came over a little while ago. He asked me to tell you he'd like to speak to you. He's waiting over at your house."

"Thanks." I said.

"I'm so sorry honey." She said kissing my cheek and then she went back to the table.

I gathered my stuff and walked back over to my house. When I entered I saw dad on the couch sitting alone.

"I'm home dad." I said.

"Come in here and sit with me." He requested.

I went and sat down beside him and he took my hand. "Bella, I'm so sorry about last night. I was so worked up with my own reaction that I didn't take a second to consider you and your feelings. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Dad, I'll be okay if you'll be okay." I said and then I leaned in and to rest my head on his shoulder.

He took in a very shaky breath "Well Bells, it's going to be tough. But I'm going to be okay."

"Then I will too."

We stayed like that for a while.


End file.
